The only time that “The Site” ever censored its own life, it means artwork,

can be found on page 14.

She’s crazy. She killed him. I’m just here.


Side note: “The Site” has always felt a very weird connection to Bart.

It’s like that time that those douchebags were shooting at us in Chandler Park. Now, to be clear, “The Site” has never shot a gun, owned a gun, wanted to own a gun, wanted to shoot a gun, and/or touch a gun, ever. While “The Site” wholeheartedly believes in the protection of gun ownership rights by those with at least average I.Q.’s, “The Site,” itself, personally, thinks that guns are for pussies.

So back to douchebags…there we are, a nice group of us, recovering from the previous night’s rave. We are just chilling at Chandler Park listening to Gavin DJ some techno crap on the turntables, and these douchebags start a fight with someone. “The Site” wasn’t paying attention until douchebag number two pulls out his little pussy pistol and starts shooting up the place.

Unbeknownst to “The Site,” it was, ostensibly, unaware that everyone else had hit the ground and just kept walking towards the douchebag with a gun screaming, “Who the fuck does this? Seriously, it’s a Sunday afternoon in Chandler Park and there are children. WHO THE FUCK SHOOTS A GUN IN A PARK ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON?! THERE ARE FUCKING CHILDREN FOR CHRIS’S SAKES!!!!!!!!!”

Anywho, they jumped into a drop-top, douchey red Ford Mustang and drove off. That’s when Fat Brandy grabbed me and was all like, “wtf, dude?!” And “The Site” was like, “wtf, wtf, Dude?!” And Fat Brandy was like, “Dude, they were shooting a gun at us, you could have been hit?” And “The Site” responded, “But it wasn’t. So, what’s your point?”

Also, for the purpose of full transparency and disclosure, when “The Site” says that it has never touched a gun, there are two instances where technically that may possibly be not true.

The first one being when I was about 10-years-old, and we were up in South Dakota. The town of about 700 townsfolk, mostly relatives, would go to the dump on the weekend to shoot rats – allegedly to keep the rat population down at the dump. Dunno?

Anyway, “The Site’s” Uncle Elroy, who wasn’t really its uncle, was giving it a ride back to town after throwing rocks at the dump and staying out of the way of gunfire. Uncle Elroy told “The Site” that there was “one left in the chamber,” and he asked it to pull the trigger. Mind you, we were sitting in a 1960s, ALL METAL, acoustic-chamber-of-horrors-when-it-comes-to-shooting-a-gun, FARM TRUCK, but Uncle Elroy held that gun, Uncle Elroy pointed it that gun, and he explained to “The Site” about how to squeeze that gun, and then BOOM!

Yeah, “The Site” was hearing impaired for at least two weeks. #ARCHER! #LANAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The second instance was when “The Site” was just a wee lad, barely eighteen years has passed since its birth by The Evil One, and its hot, freshly out-of-prison boyfriend came by one day, and asked if he could leave a gun in the apartment. He told “The Site” that his nieces and nephews were coming into town, and he didn’t want it in the house. Anywho, “The Site” took a t-shirt out of its top dresser drawer, and it held out its hands with the t-shirt covering them, and said it’ll be right here in this drawer when you come back to get it. Funny thing is, “The Site’s” acquaintances (back then it would have called them friends) took the gun out several times and played with the gun. “The Site” did not join in on those shenanigans. So, is that technically touching a gun? “The Site” is not an attorney, nor an expert on molestation of objects, and as such cannot say for sure, one-way-or-the-other, whether or not those two experiences could be construed as touching a gun. #EverythingIsConnected

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