“The Site” is making its way back, regretfully, from South America, and it has a brief layover in Miami and Ft. Lauderdale. It then has a stopover in Atlanta but never leaves the airport, long story.
Anywho, “The Site” was at this restaurant / bar place, one of the last places that allows you to smoke in an airport, in the United States. So, so sad…”The Site” knows. Well, as “The Site” is sitting there, this woman at the bar turns to me, and asks if she can bum a cigarette. “The Site” says, “Sure!” because smoking is one of those the-more-the-merrier sort of things…plus, “The Site” totes believes in paying it forward.
“The Site” hands her the pack of organic Natural American Spirits and a lighter. She says, “Thanks!,” and then we start to chat. As we are talking, “The Site” tells her that it knows her somehow. She’s like, “well, I have done a little acting, but probably nothing you would have seen.” She told “The Site” about Law and Order, and how she did a theatrical world tour, but nothing was ringing a bell. We both had quite a bit of time to kill, and we had a great conversation. She even told “The Site” that if it was ever in Brooklyn to look up her brother’s BBQ restaurant.
“The Site” realized that it was time to catch its plane, and we said our goodbyes. “The Site” called the Ex-Husband as it was heading to its terminal, and told him about what had just happened, and then it dawned on “The Site” why it knew her…SHE IS “THE SITE’S” FAVORITEST CHARACTER IN ITS FAVORITEST MOVIE EVER ON THE FACE OF THE FUCKING PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW COULD “THE SITE” NOT REALIZE THAT THE WOMAN IT HAD BEEN TALKING TO FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS WAS MUFFLER FROM ANOTHER GAY MOVIE?!?!?!?!?!?!? ASHLIE ATKINSON!!!! MIND BLOWN.
The Ex-Husband was like, “Nah, that can’t be…” because he knows how much “The Site” loves that movie, and “The Site” was like holy fucking gay hell… “why could ‘The Site’ not figure that one out?” Her voice is so specific. Not sure how else to put it. “The Site” thought about missing its flight and running back to find her, but “The Site” only had a couple bucks and a pack of cigarettes…so it decided against it.
That also reminds “The Site” of that time that it sat down next to this rather attractive man at the gay bar in Dallas.
“The Site” smoked a couple cigarettes. “The Site” smiled. He smiled. We exchanged a few pleasantries, but “The Site” could not figure out why people kept coming up to him and asking for his autograph. “The Site” was quite perplexed. People would say, “OMG! Mr. Cumming, I just love your work. Can I have your autograph?” “The Site” is guessing it was his agent who then came up and said, “Alan, it’s time to go.”
At which point, “The Site” was like…holy fuck, it was just blowing smoke in Alan Cumming’s face in the back of a seedy, dark Dallas, Texas gay bar. #quichelorraine